There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
