You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
