No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
