my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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