I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
