Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
