How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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