RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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