some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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