1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
