Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize