My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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