my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
