I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
