youre lurking in front of me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
