is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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