she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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