if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
