i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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