how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
