O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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