Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
