She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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