Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
