There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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