i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
