so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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