i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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