you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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