I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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