only if we run a train.
done.
Do vagina's smell?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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