he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
