Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
