A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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