I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
