At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
