Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
