I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
