he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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