Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
