My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The Olympian is in my bed
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
