thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
