people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
