Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
