i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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