who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
