It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
