6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
