I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
