If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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