I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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