I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
