What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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