he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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