Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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