He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
