Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Ketchup is God's man juice
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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