Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
