like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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