Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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