I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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