dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
