and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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