I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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