we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
