sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
