I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize