My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
