Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
