My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
