the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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