You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
