he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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