i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize