When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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