she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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