After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm just crazy horny about you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
