This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
