dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
