i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
