I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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