I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
