I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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