I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
