We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
