Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
