I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
