If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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