Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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