I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
