i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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