everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
