saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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